I guess I should explain why I named my blog "Journalist, Shmurnalist". I guess it was more subconcious when I actually did it, but I'm beginning to understand more now about why I named it that.
I can't say exactly when I wanted to be a journalist, or when I realized that I wanted to be one. I remember that in grade 6, I wanted to start an elementary newspaper with my friends. It was my idea, and at first I was really motivated and determined, until I gave up because my friends weren't too excited about it. There's only so much a 12 year old can do to make a newspaper sound exciting to other 12 year olds. Not that I read any newspapers back then, but I thought making one would be fun.
When I was 13 and starting to think about what I wanted to do when I grew up, one of my friends got me thinking. I was in Ukraine that summer to visit my family and my friends and I were talking about career choices one evening. One of my friends said, "I want to become someone interesting...like a journalist!" That really got me thinking, because I'd never considered it as a career choice for me. After that, I began to look into it more.
In about grade 10, my English teacher began a highschool news broadcast what aired weekly. I got to be a reporter, producer, and writer. There was one incident, however, that I'll always remember. My teacher would usually supervise us, but one day, he couldn't make it for a reason I don't remember. So he trusted us enough to leave the entire show up to us. What a bad idea...
The show was scheduled to air live and I was in charge as producer. One of the stories I chose to put out for that show included some pretty hard to pronounce Asian names. I don't remember whether this story was a filler or whether we just put everything off for the last minute, but my anchor didn't have time to go over the story before we went on air. While trying to pronounce the names, she began laughing hysterically and uncontrollably, making the other anchor also laugh, as well as everyone else in the room. We tried really hard to keep our cool, but it didn't work a bit. My teacher was furious. He fired us all, after which he felt bad because it was only a volunteer thing and he realized we weren't trying to ruin the show on purpose. But needless to say, we never went live again, but pre-recorded all our shows.
When the time came to start enrolling in university, I considered different options. My first career choice was always to be a singer. I loved singing since I was a little girl, and I still do. But I realized as I got older that I should set my sights on something more attainable and realistic. Something I enjoy but would also give me a steady job and income. Although with journalism a steady job and income is not guaranteed, when you think about it, nothing really is guaranteed. But still, it's more of a realistic goal than a singing career.
The major reason behind my choice was also reflective of my faith. As a Christian, I wouldn't ever want to get sucked into the world filled with and focused on fame, money, possessions, and vanity. I want to do something that will somehow help make others' lives better. And with journalism, I saw myself doing that. I still love to sing, and I always will. I'll continue to pray about it and maybe one day, if it's God's will, I might record a Christian album on the side. But currently, I don't see myself making it my main career.
My mom especially encouraged me to take journalism. She always said it was my thing and she could see me doing something like that. Although I wasn't 100% sure it was what I wanted to do, I figured it would be a good option for me because I enjoy the arts and writing. I applied to York for English, Ryerson for journalism, and U of T for journalism. To be honest, I really didn't expect to get into U of T bcause my grades weren't that great (except English), and I always saw U of T as this big, scary, hard-to-get-into place. But I think what saved me was the supplementary application form (which played a big part) where we had to talk about why we wanted to get into journalism. I think it might be on my other computer somewhere, so I might dig it up and post it here later. Anyway, when I found out that I got in, I literally cried, and so did my mom.
I became fascinated with university in my first year. I was in awe at everything. I wanted to know everything. I realized that the more I learn, the more I know, the more I realized how much I don't know. I remember walking into Robarts library for the first time to do some research and literally wishing I could insert a chip into my brain and install all the information that Robarts contained. I had a real thirst for learning.
When I began to take more journalism courses intstead of more general ones in second year, I began to see what this career is really about and the struggles that come with it. This year I'm beginning to see even more of that. I realized that it's got to be one of the most stressful jobs on earth. You're constantly trying to meet deadlines, and it's especially difficult at the begninning of the career. I feel like when I got a job, it would take a while for anyone to let me write about what I want to write about and I'd be doing a lot of unpleasant things in the beginning like covering crime (I'd HATE that) or writing obituaries, or even just getting coffee. Not that there's anything wrong with getting coffee. I just feel like it would take a long time to climb my way up that ladder and that my career would consume my life, which is definitely not what I want. And I don't think I can handle the stress, even if I do get to where I want in my journalism career. I understand that a certain amount of stress comes with every job, but not to the extent of some of the things that journalists have to see and experience sometimes, like covering a murder or having to talk to the family of someone who had died tragically. I know myself enough to know that I wouldn't be able to handle it. And I KNOW I'd never go into a war zone.
So I guess this whole long post leads me to say that I guess the reason I called this blog "Journalist, Shmurnalist" is because even though it seems like I've wanted to do this for so long and it seemed like the perfect career for me, I just don't know that it is anymore. I know I want to finish my degree because it would obviously be stupid to switch in the middle of my third year, and I don't really know what else I would take, but I don't really know what I'll do with this degree. I still enjoy writing, but I guess I am yet to figure out how I can be a journalist without being a reporter, or at least having to do all those stressful, time-consuming and low-income-getting things at the beginning of my career. All this thinking and stress about what I'm going to do with my life has actually led me to having very little motivation in school, which I hate to feel.
I guess the best I can do right now is keep praying and trying and working hard...I'll keep you posted.
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